my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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