but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You left your underwear on the fireplace
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
