Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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