Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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