I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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