Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
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New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
