Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
