I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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