Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
