Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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