I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Someone signed my nipple.
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