yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
