Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
