my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
