we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Still dying that you shit outside
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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