he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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