i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
