He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
