Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The power of my boobs compel you
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
