i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
