remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
