fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
