shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
