the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
