Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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