STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
