im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
