when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
