Betty ford says i'm here all night
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
