Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You are the jesus of drinking
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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