Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
please come you make the beer taste better
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Randomize
