woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
