Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
worst night to have a conscience
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
