My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
