loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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