I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
