New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
