And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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