My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
