I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
