I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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