do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
