Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
