Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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