Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
