I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
