we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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