wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
