Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
