i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
