Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
