just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
