i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
