Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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