Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
